The Horrors of Fangirls
by RicardianScholar Clark-Weasley
Summary: sort of sequel to The Horrors of Fanfiction. Sherlock and the others are being stalked by fangirls and it's time to do something drastic


John should have realised there would be trouble long before this.

After all if there was Fanfiction out there having him and Sherlock declaring undying love in the most soppy, corny, god awful way then there was bound to be writers. Writers who were so obsessed with them that they have taken to stalking them. For the past week John had noted about thirty seven different girls dressed in either a long black coat and scarf or a mimic of his beige jumper outside of the flat, following him when he's out buying milk, following them both to crime scenes, and worst of all throwing stones and saying awful things to his girlfriend.

Yeah he got dumped again.

To make things worse they've taken to screaming in sheer ecstasy when they see John and Sherlock so much look at each other. There hasn't been a day where he hasn't had a headache. Sherlock is slowly getting more agitated each day since he could no longer focus on the crime scenes or a train of thought. He almost throttled John when he refused Sherlock a packet of cigarettes.

So anyway, there was a triple murder, no fingerprints that could be found, and all the doors and windows were locked. Sherlock jumped to it and they were all standing there in the house trying to solve the case.

Sherlock squinted at victim number one.

"AHHHH!"

"SHERLOCK!"

"JOHN!"

"TEAM LESTRADE!"

"YOU'RE SO HOT!"

"DIE ANDERSON DIE!"

"Ok that's it!" Sherlock snapped. "I can't take it anymore! They keep putting me off of my work. I'm going to sort this situation out right now, then solve this case, and then I will smoke a whole packet of cigarettes you just try and stop me John."

"Oh how terrible to have a hoard of screaming women wanting to shag you," Anderson muttered bitterly.

"Shut up, Anderson!" shouted not only Sherlock but John, Lestrade, and Sally.

What can they say? They were all irritated with the fan girls, John because it ruins his relationships and the constant implication he is gay keeps popping up when he's buying milk goddaminit, Sally because she dislikes seeing 'the freak' have so much attention while simultaneously she feels it puts her gender in a bad light and she dislikes how Anderson pants after some of them, and Lestrade has found his small fan base has not only ruined his marriage but caused his children to question his sexuality.

For the last time he has never met Mycroft they had only ever spoken on the phone!

"Sherlock, you go and negotiate with the," Lestrade shuddered, "fan girls. Anderson you go into that corner and think about what you just said. Sally, John, with me we'll come up with a backup plan."

"What? Oh you got to be kidding me!" Anderson huffed before marching in the corner and sulked for the time being.

Sherlock strides out of the house with his head held up high. "That is one brave man," Lestrade said admiringly.

"Indeed," John agreed.

"I actually like the freak for once," Sally said reluctantly.

They watched as Sherlock spoke to the crowd and then suddenly they moved to reveal a woman no older than twenty five dressed head to toe in I Heart John/Sherlock garb. There was some more conversation, the woman turns to a handful of other girls in various ages and they debate for a while. Meanwhile the others hiss in sympathy as Sherlock is being pulled about by various girls who wanted to be 'deduced' John is no longer sure if that is an entirely sexual free phrase these days. The small council come to some sort of agreement and turn to Sherlock, he listens, nods, and then suddenly there is a loud squeal of joy throughout the crowd as the first woman comes back inside with John holding a video camera in her hands.

"Everyone this is the President of the Detective and his Doctor fan club," Sherlock said with distaste.

"Molly?" John and Lestrade shouted.

"No," Sherlock corrected them, "her little sister Polly. Their parents lack originality it is no wonder Molly is dull, boring and tedious."

"Yes Sherlock, not everyone names their children Mycroft and Sherlock," John said sternly. He turned to the younger version of Molly and smiled at her politely. He quite liked Molly but he really didn't like fan girls. In face he despised them. "What can we so for you, Polly?"

"Oh we agreed with Sherlock to stop stalking you all on several conditions," Polly said cheerfully, "the first we can continue to send hate mail to Anderson-"

"_What?"_

"_Shut __**up**__ Anderson!"_

"Second condition is that Anderson and Sally must stop having sex, we do not need the mental image."

"_You_ don't need the mental image? Well _we _don't need the one of the threesome between-"

"Condition accepted," Sally said quickly interrupting her now ex-lover.

"I am proud of you Sally," Sherlock said, "finally using that intelligence-"

"Not now Sherlock," John interrupted, "what is the third condition?"

"Faster updates on that blog of yours."

"Erm...I'll try," John promised.

"And stop dating girls."

"But-"

"Shut up John!" Sherlock snapped. "Last condition and then get rid of the crowd."

Polly holds up the video camera. "I am to film you two snogging."

"_What?"_

Anderson whirled round and fumbled to get his mobile out while Sally and Lestrade were already to press record on theirs. Sherlock rolled his eyes and muttered something about how boring people were before he grabbed hold of John's wrist and tugged him close up against him. He then pressed his lips against John's and...Well...erm there was this spark and it felt very good and...

Oh goddaminit, Sherlock is the best snog John had to date and is he kissed back. In fact they sort of forgot they were being filmed and would have probably continued if Anderson didn't make some disgusted noises when John erm...well...groped Sherlock's backside.

"Yeah, you're so not gay," Sally said sarcastically.

Polly was speechless and beside herself with excitement that a uniformed officer had to usher her out. It took about fifteen minutes for Sherlock to gather enough data to make an estimated guess and to insult Anderson another five times before leaving. John sort of stood there uselessly as he was too shocked to do anything and so Sherlock had to grab him by the hand and led him out of the house and down the street.

They didn't get far when they were accosted by a group of fan girls.

"Didn't I just get rid of you?" Sherlock asked.

"That was a different club," one of the girls said.

"Yeah, we're the 221B fan club," another said, "couldn't you deduce it?"

"Why is the world littered with fan girls," John moaned, "can't they just leave us alone."

"Unfortunately John the world is filled with people with fanatic tendencies, don't be so hypocritical I know full well you're a fan boy," Sherlock said completely bored of this.

"I am not!"

"Your love of Doctor Who says otherwise."

"Get them!" one of the girls shrieked.

"What?"

Before they could even run for it (like they have done many times before and lived to tell the tale) the girls grabbed hold of them and began to pull at their clothing or kiss them. By the time Scotland Yard had come to the rescue John was stripped down to his underwear clinging to a completely naked Sherlock while both of them were covered in lipstick marks in various shades.

Mrs Hudson and Mycroft were not pleased to have to bail John and Sherlock out for public indecency.

After all they are the landlady and older brother not their _babysitters_.


End file.
